Trying 5 Spots on Armitage ‘Cheeseburger Row’

The ol’ Freeze on Armitage and California officially became a Small Cheval last month. Although there’s another Small Cheval exactly one mile away, the lines at this new joint are long! The transition also marks the fifth sit-down burger place within a one-block radius.

Naturally, I tried them all: dressed as they came, single patties, cooked medium.

Small Cheval

Of the five burgers sampled, this one looked the most like a Krabby Patty. The bun was dense and charred but a bit doughy for me. Inside was a plain burger, topped with a chopped onion slaw, American cheese, and pickles. For $11, the burger did not come with fries. I ordered some anyway — super salty. My friend didn’t mind them as a vessel for the garlicky dipping sauce, but I’d say skip the side.

Parson’s Chicken & Fish

Though hamburgers don’t crack the name, Parson’s absolutely slings ‘em. Theirs comes with two skinny Slagel Farms patties for $13 — fries will run you an extra $6 but they’re nicely coated. Meanwhile, the burger itself maintains that lacy, crunchy smashburger overflow. BUT REQUEST THE OLD BUN! Parsons recently switched to an overpowering cornmeal bun, but they’ll give you the brioche if you ask nicely 😇

🥉 Bar Parisette

Bar Parisette and another spot on this list, Table, Donkey and Stick, both come from restaurateur Matt Sussman — and both are happy hour musts. Bar Parisette is a large French bistro, but I’ve never tried the fancy Parisian fare. I go straight for the goods: $15 for a chunky little cheeseburger and crispy fries. Pair that with the $9 gin martini and you’ve got (my version of) girl dinner. Happy hour at Bar Parisette is 5-6:30 p.m. — and all day on Mondays! It’s my No. 3 pick.

🥈 Gretel

Gretel, like sister restaurant Little Bad Wolf, is known for its burger. Gretel’s comes with two patties for a whopping $19.95, but skinny, well-done fries are included. The star of the show, however, is an extra seedy everything bun: a luxury vehicle for the classic burger topped with an American cheese blend, red onions, pickles, and aioli. (I smear on a little of the fries’ sriracha sauce too — chef’s kiss!) It ranks at No. 2.

• Also: Gretel’s owners recently opened the first restaurant on the 606. [💻 Hey Chicago]
  

🏅 Table, Donkey and Stick

This was the winner for me: a fat, juicy Slagel Farms patty so smothered in caramelized onions, they effectively functioned as a sauce. And to top it off, a toasty bun, smoked Swiss, a light horseradish aioli, and some greens. It’s hefty enough for just $11 during happy hour, I honestly didn’t even miss fries.

Table, Donkey and Stick is technically a tad off the rest of the burger block, tucked inconspicuously east of California Avenue. I say it’s worth crossing the street. But when I told my waitress it was my favorite burger on Armitage, she laughed. Her favorite is Best Intentions — looks like the Armitage burger crawl will continue!